After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
