just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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