i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
