I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
