im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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