it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
