when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
