it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
