oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
