dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
