Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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