my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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