Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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