I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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