We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
