a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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