Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
