I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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