i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
