I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
