when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
