I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
