Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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