Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
