How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You work out of a Hotel?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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