dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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