May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
