sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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