if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
