I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
