so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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