Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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