yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
