I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
