Pappa wants mamma naked
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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