FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
