And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
