I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
