genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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