He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
