So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
