: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
