Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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