Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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