your thong is hanging out like whoa
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
