Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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