I forgot how hot balto sounded
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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