We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
