I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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