he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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