you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
