so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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