Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
