You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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