I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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